Lost

Moving to California has been great, the weather’s wonderful and I’ve had great times with my boyfriend but something just seems missing. I don’t want to appear ungrateful because it’s a blessing that I’m here and I really do appreciate everything that I have. But it all just seems so empty sometimes. I’m not one to brag about where I am on social media so few people actually know where I am and I’ve always been shy so I don’t have many friends. I really only have one close friend I talk to almost every day and then my boyfriend if he counts. I guess I just feel lonely out here, everyone older than me is so busy doing the “next big thing” that nobody is really living in the moment. That and everyone my age just wants to go to bars, clubs, or party all night in LA and that’s not really my thing.

I’m really introverted and talking to people for two hours makes me tired the rest of the day. Luckily I did end up picking a profession (software development) that doesn’t require I talk a lot in the day. But even though I enjoy being alone most of the time, if I’m alone all the time I get lonely. I guess it’s not really the being alone part that makes me feel lonely, it’s the feeling like I can’t/won’t open up to people so I feel like I don’t have close friends. It makes it worse when moving to a new place and especially worser(er) when my boyfriend leaves on a trip. Nothing makes you feel more like a loser than not having anyone to talk to.

Normally when I have a problem I try to find a solution so I’ve tried going to meetups but the only ones that interest me are business meetups (been feeling entrepreneurial) and people are really only there to pitch their ideas then ditch. Bumble has a thing called BFF mode where people in the area that are seeking friends can swipe on each other Tinder style, we’ll see how that goes for me.

I think it’s that “not having friends anymore” feeling and the “how do I start a business” feeling that has me feeling so lost. The friends thing I’m sure I’ll get the hang of in a while but the business thing I just don’t know. I’ll make another post on it later but there’s just so much to learn and even if you learn it all it doesn’t mean you’ll succeed.